


It's Hard

by Smol_giant



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Freeform, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Lance (Voltron)-centric, Team Bonding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-18
Updated: 2017-03-18
Packaged: 2018-10-07 02:05:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10349976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smol_giant/pseuds/Smol_giant
Summary: But all good things must eventually come to an end, and that’s certainly what had happened.-In which Lance is insecure, and the team reminds him of how valued he is as a paladin of voltron and a member of the team.





	

**Author's Note:**

> So this is both my first proper fic in over a year now, and is currently unbeatd either.
> 
> I am also considering this turning into either hance or klance, but I'm not sure yet because all I want for the endgame is for family bonding of the whole team, so a relationship wouldn't be super important in this fic either.
> 
> I project a lot on Lance, but I love writing him- so please let me know if he's out of character and I'll do my best to fix it!

He was trying. It was hard for Lance sometimes, and even if his outwards aloof expression would convince people otherwise, he truly was trying.

In the beginning, it was easy. To laugh and joke and have a good time. To just shove his feelings under a layer of self depreciation disguised as jokes. And even though Lance had become not only the class clown, and that one kid who never paid attention in classes, he managed to not only make other people happy, but also make more friends than he had ever had in his life. Which was neat.

It was neat to be the centre of attention, for once.

It became second nature to lift his head high and laugh it off. ‘It’ including, but not being limited to: His feelings, his fears, his insecurities and his problems. If he raised his voice loud enough, and drew in everyone in the rooms attention, maybe they’d just go away. They did, and it was nice. So he laughed and shouted in joy with his newly made friends at the Garrison, and things were good.

It was funny, because if Lance were to tell anyone that he was the quiet one in his home, they’d just laugh at him and shake their head. How could Lance, the loudest one in the room at any point of time really be the quiet one in his household. But Lance came from a family of loud people, from a household where you had to speak up, or be forgotten. He found that being forgotten was a lot easier than speaking up most times, so that’s what he did.

His mother once told him that people wore masks- not literal ones silly Lance- but metaphorical ones that you slip on in front of others. Masks of who you wanted to be. Instead of showing who you really were when you first met people, or were uncomfortable, it’s easier to slip on your mask and become who you want to be, instead of who you were. And Lance had never understood what she had meant, why be someone who you’re not? Isn’t that much harder, not easier? But now he got it, and why being yourself was so much harder than pretending. So that’s what he did every day now. He pulled on his mask, and became the type of person he wished he could be at home. Loud, happy, and unforgettable. Hunk would tell him he was overcompensating and people would listen to him even if he was quiet. Lance would choose to ignore that.

He continued to leap over the insecurities that he once only had to step over, because there was no guarantee that people would like him for being himself. Why would people like Lance if even Lance didn’t like Lance.

So when people started to drift from him due to being a bit too loud, or a bit too annoying, Lance really couldn’t blame them. He tried to go back to being the way he was at home, as he started to lose all of the new friends he had made due to being far too much, far too loud, far too annoying. But before long, Lance started to forget what it was like to be himself. Not matter how hard he tried to change himself back again, he couldn’t. He became unforgettable in all the wrong ways, and was only able to maintain two of his friends.

It was about when Voltron had happened, when he started to feel a little valued again, and stopped the fears he had felt creeping up on him from a long while. He was chosen to be the blue paladin, and he was a vital to the crew, that’s what Blue had told him at least.

But all good things must eventually come to an end, and that’s certainly what had happened.

Lance could see a pattern starting to form, he made new friends, and then he lost them. And now, he could tell he was on the verge of losing the new friends he had made once again. The sad thing was, he was hardly surprised anymore. Not for the first time, and certainly not for the last time, Lance felt like he was unable to change no matter how hard he tried. And he was trying. Even if his outwards aloof expression would convince people otherwise, he truly was trying to change.

Laughs from the other paladins because sighs, became rolled eyes, and sharp ‘Lance!’’s. They became becoming a joke that was no longer funny. Someone who no longer helped to ease the stress, but only added to it. He knew he needed to stop, but he couldn’t. It simply wasn’t that easy anymore.

Lance had craved attention, and that’s what he got.

But the same as always, Lance just laughed through it all.

That was, until it became too much for him. He was trying so hard, to change. Trying so hard to become a better paladin for the team, instead of just a burden. It was hard. He found that not saying anything at all, something that was second nature to him, something that he couldn’t help most days, was simply something he couldn’t do anymore. He tried to cut down on the bickering with Keith, but that only resulted in him holding his tongue half the time. He tried to cut back on teasing Pidge, but found that it was much easier said than done, when teasing was the only way he could show affection. He tried to follow through with Shiro’s orders without complaints, but sometimes they just slipped out. With Hunk, Lance guessed, it was easier. He never felt the pressure to pull his mask on, as he always did around the others. This meant that he wasn’t as bad to him as he was around the others in the first place. Hunk was the closest thing he had to family here, and Lance would have felt inclined to be around him more. Until that warm feeling of ‘home’ started to become suffocating, reminding him only of his crushing homesickness, and everything he wanted but failed to be.

So distancing himself from the rest of the team, was really the only option, he guessed, until he could fix himself, or at least until he could stop being a burden to the team.

It was hard, but he had to contribute something to the team. He couldn’t let himself become just the fifth wheel. And although it was difficult for Lance sometimes, and even if his outwards aloof expression would convince people otherwise, he truly was trying to change. He was truly trying.


End file.
